Go get the switch, woman, that's enough of that!

Those were the words Anna heard from Andrew many times in the early 1900s. And she meekly went to cut a willow switch with which she was promptly beaten.

Sometimes it was because she didn't get Andrew's boots to him. Sometimes she didn't have his coffee hot enough. Sometimes he was frustrated about his life. He was not drunk. He had simply been raised in an era when men were expected to beat their wives as if the violent act was a healthy outlet.

In our present day culture that isn't acceptable.. HOWEVER, men still beat wives, girlfriends, and/or children. The reasons are complex, but the basic fault is the residue of the idea that women and children are property of the protective male.

Michael Kaufman says:
"It's a time of upheaval.
Centuries-old ideas about men and women have been shaken to their foundations.
But in their place is confusion and distrust between the sexes."

In his book CRACKING THE ARMOUR, Power, Pain and the Lives of Men, Kaufman goes on to say:

“Thousands, even millions, of men are rethinking and reassessing their expectations of manhood..... For me the problem is not feminism, as some men feel. Nor is it the contention by Robert Bly and his followers that men have been feminized and left out of touch with our wild masculine essence. The real problem is that the ways we have defined male power over several thousand years have brought not only power and privilege to the lives of men, but tremendous pain and insecurity as well.... If this is where our problems lie, then we have to look for solutions both in the hearts and behaviour of individual men and through a challenge to all those things in our society that have perpetuated a certain brand of manhood. We have to redefine what it means to be men, but to do so we need to reshape our world in a design of equality, diversity, and shared strength between men and women...”

Although not in control of daily affairs, boys are encouraged to dream and wait. Because of taunts like: eat your broccoli so you can get big and strong like Superman, boys look upon adult power as strength.

And physical strength in a man frustrated with his own unfulfilled desires becomes the driving force behind physical abuse.

Frustrated men pick fights, rape, beat children and wives. Sometimes frustrated fathers encourage sons into the military hoping the experience will make them into "real men".

Click to a report on how language construction influences thinking
in a report by linquistics Professor Hardman.

My articles on sexist language and violence in schools brings in many comments. I'd like to share this one:

"While males in our society may be given special privilege, they are also given tremendous reponsibilities. They must be men, they must be on their own at 18, they must know what they're doing and where they're going and have it all together by graduation. But, they also must not act as if they have excessive responsibilities because women are equal partners. Yet, what is the phrase - "deadbeat dads". Regardless of the fact that percentage wise there's as many or more deadbeat moms. My daughter is a fairly independent teenager, yet she still sees marrying a rich guy as an option in her future plans. The concept of man as primary breadwinner is alive and well. At the same time we also expect them, primarily, to go to war, be police officers, fire fighters, and do any other dirty or physically demanding job. But, we don't want them to be hard or proud or "male". It's nuts and I'm amazed men have tolerated it. Young boys hear two messages, without money you're nothing, and you're violent, unruly, selfish, demanding members of society. Basically, we'd like to use you when we want and then send you home to be quiet. I'm not surprised the male population is coming unglued. And, I'm not particularly surprised at the violence. They learn it from our culture, which is extremely punitive, one of the worst in the world. Our culture executes people we don't want and so do these boys."
Thank you S. Todd

Susan Faludi says it well in STIFFED, The Betrayal of the American Man. She interviewed hundreds of men in many circumstances and they tell how frustrated they feel about their lives after the expectations they had from childhood and from out culture.