I couldn't believe it! There are 31 muscles in the posterior abdominal wall. Abdomen is the proper term for stomach - where dirty fighters hit first, well maybe second if the victim is a male. That's right: thirty-one muscles in the outer muscular system of the human body that affect the stomach and digestive system. I caught that little (well, huge really) statistic while browsing through an impressive book of anatomical charts in my doctor's office where I waited to believe the doctor was on his way to fulfilling his obligatory visit defining the results of a recent upper endoscopy that viewed my ulcers, or lack thereof.

Thirty-one! External muscles that I rarely exercise! No wonder I have a roll of fat from my breasts to my thighs. These are muscles I could control - not the peristaltic muscles that move food from the mouth to the anus working internally with automatic regularity transferring vitamins and minerals from food I ingest to the blood (vascular) system that delivers them to the entire body. WOW! The stomach cuddles next to the heart and liver protected by the ribs, and the large intestine goes across the front just below the belly button, an area where gas causes discomfort blamed on the stomach, but the small intestine is nestled, all 20 foot of it, scrunched up like so many soiled gym clothes in a laundry bag, which I try to keep in mind when I stretch.

(Note the preceding sentence contains 75 words. I am taking lessons from Simon Winchester, author of Krakatoa, The Day the World Exploded, who has readable sentences of up to 240 words, although his most common sentences contain 40 and often less - like: Thunder!)

I'm easily impressed with the human body. Every morning upon waking I'm impressed. The body is so complex it was no wonder that in 1802 some cleric came out with the ultimate explanation: Natural Theology - or Evidences of the Existence and Attributes of the Deity Collected From the Appearances of Nature which was quoted for centuries (and still is) to prove that everything began with a god's intelligent design, not the natural evolution that is evident through the modern sciences of physics, chemistry, geology, paleontology, and anthropology. The human body has been under study since Homo sapiens began as a species thousands, maybe millions, of years ago.

Study and progress of understanding the human body parts had a setback when laws were enacted discouraging grave robbing, and subsequent dissecting of corpses or unclaimed bodies of undertakers, only to be revitalized with the plea from universities and hospitals for bodies given for science by economically minded persons seeking to evade expenses of burial, therefore willing their corpses to their favorite institution, where an overload of bodies eventually led to the lucrative sale of body parts to whomever desired them - and could and would pay exorbitant prices (in our monetary system entrepreneurs seek to fill every niche in much the same way as the biologically fittest fill every niche in the natural world.)

Ahhhhhhh but I digress. Back to my 31 exterior stomach muscles. Actually many of those are not in back as posterior implies but in the front of my body where I could easily exercise them and keep fit, although I'm kind of fond of the roll of fat, thought of as love handles, that rides upon my hips even as it prevents me from comfortably putting on my socks (sometimes I go without) or tying my shoes. Oh Bother! as Winnie the Pooh would say. At least some fellow walked long enough in nature to get stuck with burrs that encouraged him to invent Velcro so I can snap a strap and fasten my shoes without the prolonged effort of bending over, which in itself would strengthen those fat encrusted muscles that stress the vascular system (heart) and respiratory system (lungs).

So simple, yet so difficult. Shoulders back. Stomach in. Stretch up. Situp. Body press. Jump up. Bend down. Jumping jacks. Walk. Bicycle. Ohhhhh just writing those words makes me weak. Now relax and study the charts on which a pharmaceutical tycoon spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to help physicians explain why they should prescribe drugs to trick the body into doing stuff the body was evolved to do for itself if the brain chooses to encourage restraint when the hands are confronted with all things edible. Lots of luck if you succumb to food advertisements in magazines, newspapers, television.

Study the charts. Lovely renderings. Skilled drawings. Great future for airbrush artists trained in graphic arts in many community colleges near medical centers all over the country. What a way to relax!

I really can relax because 60 days of a prescribed drug cured my ulcers and I eased my way off the drug and now I am totally drug free! No miracle from God, just common sense that my brain was programmed by my ancestors to use as much as I possibly could. I expect common sense to kick in concerning my love handles - considering I have no love with which to practise on - but the idea of wearing a dress size 14 is most welcome.

Naomi Sherer